I have a confession.
I feel guilty that our wedding wasn’t good enough. It maybe one of those phases of the wedding: stress, excitement, stress, adreneline, happiness, relief, peace, and guilt. Nevertheless I have these feelings that I could have done better.
I have come to understand when people say you should relax and enjoy your wedding, it is still you and your husband getting, not you and the 300 guests. I have also come to understand that the bride feels things acutely compared to others, even her husband. Someone got food poisoning, you wish the food was cooked better. The invitations got lost to a couple people, you should have sent more. The lighting was poor, add more lights.
The list goes on and on. And the reality is, the post mortem of a wedding is like an autopsy, you dissect everything that happened. You assume responsibility for everything. You feel the guilt that more could have been done.
For me, I wish I spent some money on the decoration in the conference room where we had all our small events. Flowers, fabrics, even candle lamps would have been nice. The reality for me was that a few months before the wedding I unceremoniously lost my job and we had to cut back on expenses. We were not having the Four Seasons wedding to begin with, but as fiscally conservative people, we opted (and left out) a lot of small expenses that easily add up.
Which in all cases is perfectly fine. But for me I felt guilty. Even though everyone else worked overtime to put the wedding together, I feel that *I* should have done more. My cousins worked their bums off, shouldn’t I?
There are a lot of ‘should haves’ after the wedding. There is the ‘should have’ ensured all guests received their gift bag. And the ‘should have’ of wearing good makeup at all times. And the ‘should have’ of taking off your glasses when the photographer wants to shoot; hell, wear contact lenses! And the ‘should have’ talked more with guests. And ‘should have’ spent time with cousins. And ‘should have’ spent time with grandma. And the worst ‘should have,’ have a photo with grandma. The guilt will wash away only with time.
When I looked for inspiration online for Indian weddings a year ago, it was mixed results. Either really old, cheesy photos, or over the top but amazingly gorgeous photos. The latter appeals. Amazingly gorgeous weddings also come with a price tag that is my annual income. And that’s where brides go wrong, they feel the peer pressure to be “big” or be opulent.
There should not be the pressure to have a big fat wedding for the sake of it. There should be a big fat wedding because you, the bride, the rani, want it.
And what I wanted? My big fat Indian wedding meant having my family and my friends to attend. To share the love and excitement. And they were. My family was amazing. My cousins worked nonstop. My parents pulled off a wedding they really couldn’t have dreamed of putting together logistically. My friends flew in from nine countries and outnumbered my whole family.
While I feel an intense guilt to have done more for our guests, for our families, for ourselves, it is really just in my head. That the love my friends and family have for my husband and I are so great that I cry in happiness. And with that, I will wash away the guilt with the wonderful experiences everyone had.
Hey, Preeti:
It was one of the best wedding ever.
I don’t think even if you had more money or time, you could have pulled this fantastic wedding. Words just do not describe how well it was organized, planned, executed.
Guest even enjoyed the non-AC BEST bus rides and all 55 Euro-Americans were able to bond with each others. Most of them did not know each other.
Don’t worry about what if I had done this or that.
Let me share some of comments from friends and cousins
1) Cousin Renu:
Again many thanks for everything,specially for the colourful marriage, I have narrated to so many of my friends about it and still not tired of it.I consider myself to be lucky to have attended this otherwise i would have really missed IT.
2) Barbara:
It was a wonderful time, a very beautiful wedding: lively, colourful, big… but all this “opulence” of this wedding has been driven with simplicity so that everybody could find his place
3) Jenny:
And of course it was magnificent to meet everybody else too haha :). What a wonderful collection of people that instantly took to each other.
So all of you, Peter, Preeti, with families: THANK YOU for making this an unforgettable experience. It has been amazing.
4) Bengt:
Thank you for letting me attend the weeding, it was truly an amazing experience and a memory for life. The wonderful welcoming hands of the families, the many smiles, conversations, flavors, colors and impressions has been more than I could possibly imagine.
5) Andrew:
Thanks for getting married guys so I could finally visit India! 😉
It was an amazing experience and will definitely be something I will
remember until I become old and senile! Unfortunately I didn’t find
myself and Indian bride! Perhaps next visit! 😉
Can I suggest a re-union tour? Perhaps next year you can renew your vows?
6) Anna:
I am back in Stockholm and totally jetlagged =)
Just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for having me. This is like the best trip ever. This really opened up my eyes!
I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to be a part of this wonderful wedding!
Thanks so much!
7) Safire:
Thank you for inviting us to your elaborate wedding. I apologize for
my illness and inability to make it to the other ceremonies, but
really enjoyed the time I spent with the group. I have a new-found
gratitude for new friends, patience and toilet paper.
8) Jenny:
I don't think you are the only one. It really felt like leaving summer camp when we all split up. Yes to a reunion! 🙂
9) Jim:
Thanks for letting me come. I had a great time!
Now I'm back in Sweden enjoying the cold, snow and rain.
10) Pamela:
Congratulations Peter and Preeti on your wedding! So sorry I couldn't
be there. =( Love the photos!! You guys look amazing!
<3 <3
11) Morgan:
Agreed with Ben — it was an honor to be part of your wedding! I had a
wonderful, overwhelming, exhilarating, and completely unforgettable
experience.
Hugs to you all, especially the bride and groom!
12) ILA:
What a spectacular event. I can only imagine the amount of planning and minor details that you guys must have worked on. I wish I could have been there.
13) Smita:
These are beautiful. Preeti looks fabulous. You did a good job with the wedding arrangements.
14) Suhas:
You guys have 55 most amazing friends. I could not believe how friendly they were and lovely they looked in Indian costumes.
Can I invite them for my daughters wedding? Will they come?
15) Megha:
My 15 Air India Air Hostesses were just thrilled to attend this 4 days Gala wedding. Even though these Air Hostess have been flying 10-20 years around the world, they have never met so many lovely, friendly down to earth human being who cared to come to wedding to India.
You set the new standard for simple but elegant wedding.
16) Mona:
3 hrs of Haldi function with 80 plus friends and family putting soaking haldi was so touching.
10 hrs of Mehdi functions next day with 70 girls and 4 bald guys getting Mehdi was
exhausting but great experience.
17) Bhalchandra:
When I received the wedding invitation card, I knew it that this is the wedding of the "Century" in our family and friend circle. I am going to treasure the invitation card.
18) Goran:
These 6 days of wedding were just fabulous. My two daughters are thrilled to be here and part of awesome wedding.
19) Eva:
My mother visited India in 1980 and she told me so may good stories about Indian people. And now I found new Indian family. I will cherish these memories all my life.
20) Rebecca:
What a wonderful wonderful trip! Thanks again Preeti & Peter for inviting me, and Uncle Ravi for such wonderful planning and the tours!