10 Hilarious People You Meet At An Indian Wedding

2015 Oct 23 - by dulhan
You can expect a few things at just about any Indian wedding you attend. Among them: vibrant colors, thick crowds and, in all likelihood, most of the following people:

1.The Matchmaker: This auntie can rattle of the biodatas of at least 20 eligible family friends at a moment's notice. She makes her rounds throughout the wedding, blatantly asking young guests why they're not married and whether or not they're dating. She prides herself on having arranged the community's most "successful" marriages and is 100% ready to make magic happen again.

drunk uncle fabulous

2. The Drunk Uncle: He's at the bar most of the night - encouraging his kids' friends to drink with him, slurring his words and jumbling basic information about everyone's lives. Towards the end of the night, he can be found on the dance floor, probably with a stolen chunni....at least until his wife angrily pulls him out of the party.

drunk uncle wedding

3. The Indian Culture Enthusiast: Whether this person basically grew up in her Indian bestie's childhood home or developed a circle of exclusively Indian friends while in med school, this wedding guest is only Indian on the inside. He or she knows the words to every Bollywood song, could live on samosas alone and desperately wants to marry an Indian guy or girl. You can undoubtedly find this person leading the crowd on the dance floor and/or fixing everyone's saris in the bathroom. We all have a friend like this, right?

4. The Recently Married Person/Couple: Simply put, this is the married person or couple who will not stop talking about how different married life is. Mention that you went out last night and he/she/they will tell you that you'll "be over your going out phase" once you get married. This person/couple will also give any single tablemates frequent unsolicited (and frankly condescending) advice on how to find the right person.


5. The Almost-Married Person/Couple: The recently engaged person who will spend the entire event comparing the wedding of the moment to his/her upcoming nuptials. Sit at this person's table and expect to learn everything you never wanted to know about flowers and linens. Let's be real, though: You'll find this person at any wedding.

6. The Auntie Who Wants You To Marry Her Son: This woman is not above walking straight up to a perfect stranger and requesting her biodata before bragging about her successful single son. In other words, she has no chill.

7. The Nosy Auntie: She wants to know every detail about everyone. Who's dating whom? How much did the bride's outfit cost? Did so-and-so's son actually drop out of med school or did he fail out of his program? Weddings are her everything because she digs up so much dirt from all the tipsy "youngsters."


8. The Judgmental Person (Or Table): Much like the nosy auntie, this person - or, more likely, table of people - is all about the private lives of others. The difference is that this group cares more about opinion than fact. They scrutinize every detail of the wedding, from the outfits, to the food, to the decor, to the level of lavishness, to the relationship between bride and groom. Again, this person/table exists at pretty much every wedding ever, Indian or otherwise.

judgy person

9. The Dancing Queen: She's the captain of her college's dance team and it shows, mostly because she dazzled the entire wedding with her ten-minute choreographed solo (that she "just threw together at the last minute.") Needless to say, she's a big hit on the dance floor.


10. The Non-Doctor: This person has a very cool and/or unusual job. Maybe he or she is a painter or a filmmaker or a publicist. He or she is definitely not a doctor, which means this person is sure to confuse a lot of uncles during conversation.

Want to make your next Indian wedding more fun? Turn it into a drinking game: Swig every time you encounter someone who fits any of the descriptions on this list.  Go hang out with the drunk uncle while you're at it.

Just don't say we didn't warn you...