When I got married last year, I was told by my aunties to wear my mangalsutra ulta (‘backwards’) with the dome facing in.
It really annoyed me to have it facing the wrong way, how uncomfortable! But I knew why they wanted it so I went along. In the Maharastrian community, new brides wear the mangalsutra backwards so that others know that they are recently married.
New brides, or dulhans, get special treatment in society.
- Dulhans wear more showy and glamorous outfits at weddings they attend.
- Dulhans can wear more jewelry.
- Dulhans don’t do as much housework in the inlaws house.
- Dulhans get a extra mehndi done when attending other weddings.
- Dulhans get extra gifts at Diwali!
I always wear my mangalsutra, one toe ring (one is lost – baahhh), and my wedding ring. The first two represent our Hindu marriage and the ring represents our civil marriage.
When I had my mangalsutra ulta, some people would ask me when I got married and give me congratulations. It was cool. I felt special.
Unfortunately, my mom passed away a few months after our marriage. That ended being a dulhan. And I was sad, not just for losing my mom but also losing that experience you get as a new bride.
In India, when someone close to you dies, you observe a period of mourning for at least one year. There are no parties, no major events, nothing. All my mom’s hope of glamming me up for family friend’s weddings went by the wayside. It was devastating.
From dulhan to old soul took only a couple months. My mangalsutra may have been backwards, but I lost all the privileges of being a new bride. And it bummed me out on so many levels.
And when I turned it over in February, I realized that fun, exciting, scary time of being a new bride was over.
I became just another married woman. An auntie.
*Eyeeee!*
Dulhans, enjoy that first year of marriage, it never happens again and make sure to have lots of fun.
Sorry, girl. You never really got to enjoy first year of wedding. Yes, it is suppose to be all kind of gifts you get and treated royally. Pampered etc. Sometimes, things happen where you have no control. I hope, as you get older, GOD will make up in some other way.
So sorry to hear this. 🙁 I’m sure she is looking down upon you and so proud of you.
What about this: If you don’t see relatives/family friends that often in your first year, maybe they will treat you as a dulhan next time they see you, in the upcoming year? (For example, I live away from my community so I didn’t get the dulhan experience until I visited them 9-10 months after the wedding. I’m planning on indulging in this for one more year! 😉 )