If you have been invited to an Hindu wedding or a Muslim wedding for the first time, you might be wondering what makes them similar. And besides the religious difference, how are they really different.
Let’s start with the similarities between the big fat Indian Hindu wedding and the big fat Indian Muslim wedding.
1. Heavy on the cultural/religious meaning – Weddings in South Asia, be it in India, Pakistan or Sri Lanka, are big on the cultural elements as well as the religious. While urban citizens may not be as into the religious elements as their rural counterparts, the culture and family lineage of wedding celebrations is important.
2. Fashion is everything – No matter where you come from, fashion is table top discussion for the women, and even the men. While in Christian weddings it is unacceptable to upstage the bride, it’s not uncommon in South Asia.
That doesn’t mean a wedding guest would wear a neon pink sari with a feather hat, it means that a wedding guest, especially a married woman, will wear a significant amount of gold. And that amount can be more than the bride, because a married woman has a few years more on the dulhan (bride). A married woman might also wear a fancy or hand loomed sari or sharara to assert her position in society.
You get the picture, what you wear is everything!
3. The receptions are long – Be prepared for an extraordinary long reception party. Dancing, dancing, more dancing, and signing will happen. Just because everyone got the dance jitterbug out at the Sangeet doesn’t mean you can dance more at the wedding reception. Oh, and don’t forget the cake cutting, which is becoming more popular with fusion weddings. And the mitai, sweets. And, lots of photos.
4. Overlap of events – Both Hindus and Muslims love dancing, henna, and signing. In both cultures, you will find a Mendhi, Sangeet, and Baraat as part of the wedding festivities. Depending on how large and public the families wish the events to be, you may be invited to the events.
Differences between Hindu and Muslim weddings:
1. Hindu weddings can last days – Typically Hindu weddings are several days with many events, parties, and poojas. If you have an invitation to a Hindu wedding, be sure to figure how many events you are invited to, and then what you should wear.
Comparatively, a Muslim wedding is shorter and more streamlined. Many parties will be restricted to the family and close friends but on average, a South Asian Muslim wedding is three days.
2. Muslim Nikaahs are a family affair – The wedding itself, known as the Nikaah, is usually a private affair. At the wedding, the Mawlawi, Islamic priest, reads from the Quran, about the importance of marriage and the couple signs the wedding papers. The families then celebrate with a big reception called the Valima. As a note though, many Muslims in the diaspora are opting for a large Nikaah and Valima.
3. Clothing in Muslim weddings/receptions are more conservative – If you look closely, you’ll notice that not many Muslim brides wear a sari or a lehengha. That’s because their belly, or midriff as we like to say in India is exposed. And sometimes the choli, blouse tops, are really really small. It’s inappropriate and a bit obscene to wear short choli saris and lenghas to a Muslim wedding.
As guests you want to avoid that as well. Don’t show your midriff, don’t show your bra (that’s for all Indian weddings in general!), and don’t show you boobs. Oh and don’t wear a short dress that goes more than a “hand” above the knees. And wear leggings or stockings!
In all, here’s your checklist:
- Check your invitation. Decide on what events you will be attending.
- Figure out how many outfits you need. If there are several hours between the wedding and the reception, then you should be changing outfits. If the reception occurs an hour or two after the wedding, wear the same outfit.
- Talk to the bride or bride’s party about apparel. You’ll get the best idea of what to wear and not to wear, by talking directly to someone in the wedding party.
- Be colorful. Seriously be colorful. The big fat Indian Hindu Muslim are all about color and happiness and celebration. This is the time to pull our your pretty shoes, bangles, necklaces, and dresses.
- Decide if you want to wear Indian or western clothes. Wearing anything Indian is awesome and there are many places to buy and rent clothes online today. The only caveat? If you decide to wear a sari, make sure someone will help you put it on. You don’t want to look like a melting cream puff!
And most importantly,
HAVE FUN!!!