You’ve watched the TV show, seen brides implode into black holes, and now, your friend might have turned into one.
The most terrifying creature known to mankind.
The Bridezilla.
She is evil. Conniving. Dangerous. Unhinged. Rude. Cruel.
You don’t want to be within her blast radius. But how do you recognize the signs? Is she still savable? Or has her soul passed beyond our world?
Here’s how you know. Take the gif quiz below. (A gif is a moving image, it’s like a video, but only a few seconds and usually very funny) We’ve scored your answers based on a scale on how to rank your bride-to-be. Answer “yes” if you’ve heard the bride-to-be utter one of these phrases. Each “yes” is worth one point.
1. Hahaha, you think you’ll get to keep your friends after the wedding?
2. I own your a**. I got a marriage certificate to prove it.
3. You wanna know how much I spent?
4. You need to look how I want you to look because it’s my wedding. You better not look like a fatty.
5. You’re ruining my wedding. It’s my wedding, not yours, I’m just bringing you to marry me.
6. The guests are here for me! They’re here to look good for me, not to have fun.
7. What do you mean you’re not giving me a free cake?
8. I asked for your opinion, not for you to be a stupid-head.
9. You think you can tell me that I’m WRONG?!
10. I don’t need to lose weight, you do fatty!
Scoring:
1 point or less – Brain fart – Your bride had a momentary lapse of judgement, but should return to normal. Give her some lavender and take deep breaths.
2-4 points – Needs Etiquette School – The bride has some serious issues with respect and controlling emotions. She could bad at dealing positively with tough situations. If possible, give her some guidance to help delegate tasks, organize, and take yoga classes. She will need work, but is savable.
5-6 points – Bat-shit Crazy – Your bride is passing beyond the realm of savable. She is fading into the path of darkness and you have limited resources and time to bring her back. It may all fade away after the wedding and she returns from her zombie possessed self. Or she maybe too infected and never come back.
7+ points – Even the Eye of Sauron is Scared
There is no hope. Whether she is a bride or not, this girl has a bad attitude and will always resort to the dark arts to get her way. She will never respect her partner as equal, will use blackmail and anger to get her way, and will never think about the implications of her behavior. She is a veritable sociopath, one you need to stay away from.
In all sincerity, we really hope you don’t end up with a score above a three. Being a bridezilla is a deconstructive way to deal with stresses and issues during wedding planning. And the worst things a bride can do is alienate her family, be disrespectful to others, and presume the wedding is all about her, her, her.
PS – Tell us your answers in the comments and if you have bridezilla horror stories.