As a South Asian bride, I’ve fielded a lot of questions from my non-desi friends who aren’t quite sure what to expect from my wedding. Some come from a place of curiosity; others are just plain ignorant. These five questions are by far the ones I’m asked most often.
I come from a South Asian family that happens to be Muslim and has Middle Eastern roots. Because of this, my wedding won’t be what many imagine when they thing of an “Indian wedding.” These five questions are all too common – especially if you’re a South Asian Muslim bride.
1. “Are you having an Indian ceremony?” I want to roll my eyes every time I get this question because there is no such thing as an “Indian ceremony.” Most people who say this are thinking of Hindu wedding ceremonies. It can be a bit frustrating to explain this difference to people often, but if you’re a non-Hindu Indian bride, prepare to do a lot of it.
Photo courtesy of Sachi Anand Photography
2.”Why are you not serving alcohol at your wedding?” This is a tricky one as most weddings in this country feature open bars. This question is hard to navigate because of that, especially because a lot of people simply won’t understand that for many Muslim families, alcohol is simply not a part of most celebrations. Simply explain that your family doesn’t feel comfortable serving any booze if this one comes up – people should definitely respect this. And if they don’t? That’s their problem, not yours.
3.”So did you figure out the food situation?” I’ve been asked this one many times – it took me a while to realize that most of the time, people just want to know if they can expect desi food or the usual steak-and-fish situation. Just give them a simple rundown of what you’ll be serving (as opposed to the name of your caterer) and that should answer their question.
Photo courtesy of U Me Us Studios
4.”Why aren’t you having a horse?” Most Muslim weddings don’t. Sorry to disappoint, but you’re more likely to find this at a Hindu or Sikh wedding. And no, don’t tell me I should just do this “because it looks cool.”
5.”What do I wear to a Muslim wedding?” Not all Muslim weddings are the same. My family would not be offended if a friend of mine came in a minidress, but some Muslim families might. It’s probably best to tell your guests that while not all Muslim weddings look exactly the same, this is how you’d suggest someone dresses to attend yours.