If you’re of South Asian descent, you’ve probably heard your fair share of comments about arranged marriages.
I remember meeting a guy who went to law school with a family friend of mine once. When I explained who I knew our mutual friend, he laughed. “Does that mean you’re going to have an arranged marriage with him?” he asked.
People have so many misconceptions about what arranged marriages are – and sure, there are people of our generation who married complete strangers. But the way I see it, there is a bit of “arrangement” happening behind the scenes with many South Asians….but it’s really not so different from what so many other Americans are doing. 
Photo courtesy of IWP Photography and Video
I’ve found that a lot of my friends are entering what I like to call “semi-arranged” marriages. One friend in particular just married a man she had only known for 2 months. They were introduced by their parents, so they jokingly refer to what they have as an arranged marriage – but the truth is, they really did fall for each other. Sure, they got married extremely soon after they met. Yeah, their meeting was facilitated by families. But how is that any different than what happens when anyone else is set up on a blind date by their parents, only to fall for and subsequently marry the other person?
Culturally, South Asian-Americans tend to do marriage in a slightly different way than most. I’m 27, so I am definitely at that age where all my friends seem to be getting married, and I’ve found that it’s not at all uncommon for South Asian friends of mine to meet someone and get engaged very quickly. We just happen to come from a very marriage-minded culture.
Photo courtesy of Alain Martinez
The concept of parental intervention is really nothing new for my Desi friends either, and some of them even enlist the help of matchmakers. But when it comes right down to it, I don’t know a single person who hasn’t taken the time to know his or her partner before committing to marriage. As someone who met my fiancé independently and dated him for three years before our engagement, I can say that what my friends who are in semi-arranged marriage are doing is different – but no so different – than what I did.
When you really think about, semi-arranged marriages just might be the new norm for South Asians. Did any of you get married under similar circumstances? We’d love to hear your thoughts!