As many of you know, I married the man of my dreams just last year with the traditional week-long Indian festivities. Well, I’m happy to report that after some long distance a la graduate school, I finally got to move in with my permanent roomie in early July. Yay! And because I love our BFIW family so much, I wanted to share my experiences as a newlywed. Yep, you lucky birds get the insider’s scoop on what to expect when you move in with your significant other.
Photo Courtesy Harsha K R via Flickr. Note: This is not a picture of my husband and I.
These past few weeks have been a blessing and an awakening. I finally feel like a newlywed, complete with parental withdrawal and new place anxieties. It’s difficult to pack up some boxes and suitcases that represent all of you and head to completely new territory filled with your partner’s belongings. But, rest assured, it gets easier with time.
To help you on your way, here are a few tips I’ve gathered after moving in with my best friend:
1. Assign and split chores.
• This may sound obvious, but a delegation of tasks is essential to maintaining a happy, non-chaotic home. By sharing responsibilities, you and your significant other can avoid issues long down the road when you’re bickering over piled-high dishes in the sink.
• Draw up a list of chores and assign them based on you and your partner’s aversions or passions. My husband and I opted for a google spreadsheet. Maybe your husband finds vacuuming to be calming or maybe you love doing dishes. I did say maybe.
• Whatever way you end up assigning the tasks, it is important to realize that not everything can be perfect. There has to be room for compromise and what you might define as clean may not pass your partner’s cleanliness standards. Thank you partner for his or her effort and accept that he or she is trying.
o Laundry Expectation:
Photo courtesy of Sean Freese via Flickr
o Laundry Reality: 
Photo courtesy of George Kelly via Flickr
2. Define financial obligations early.
• A major source of conflicts in couples can come in the financial arena. It is important to keep an open, ongoing discussion about budgets each month.
• Establish where individual incomes will be spent, stored, or invested. Set aside money early for expenses like moving costs, furniture, vacations, etc.
• Include both of your names on a lease for your new place.
• Have a spreadsheet to allocate funds for mutual expenses and pay bills on time.
• Usually, one person in the relation assumes the role of banker, as it’s hard to split everything right down the middle. Trust your partner. You are living with him or her for a reason. And if it’s solely for the tax break, shame on you.
3. Make your place homey.
Photo Courtesy of Ali Edwards via Flickr
• Moving into a new house can be daunting, but also fun. You both have the opportunity to make this humble abode into something beautiful together.
• In sharing a space, it’s important to have aspects of the home reflect each of your personalities and interests. Find a balance and decorate the home in a way that appeals to both your styles.
• In our current home, I compromised on floral patterns and my husband has given up his love for monochrome color palettes. It’s a win-win, as we’ve chucked away our old belongings and have built something completely new and completely us. As to where my husband’s old gym bag is, I ADMIT NOTHING.
4. Learn to communicate and compromise.
Photo Courtesy of espensorvik via Flickr
• Talk to each other and discuss things before they elevate. Is it worth arguing if he really wants to watch Avatar when you want to watch The Mindy Project? No, it’s not. Learn to DVR and/or share the TV. COMPROMISING is your best friend and guilt-tripping is your second. Just kidding.
5. Set time for each other and yourselves.
Photo courtesy of Ali West via Flickr
• When you move in together, it’s natural to hole yourselves up and alienate form the world. Don’t do that. Have some alone time and nights out with friends. There’s less of a likelihood of driving each other crazy with these conditions. This being said, don’t go friend crazy and forget about each other. Have regular date nights! They can be as adventurous as rock climbing or as intimate as a dinner at home.
6. Don’t go to bed angry.
Photo Courtesy Richard Foster via Flickr
• This is self-evident, but there’s no other place to sulk or retreat to as you both share a space. Don’t let an argument keep you up at night. Hash it out and make up right before bed! There may or may not be benefits…
7. WTF: Where’s the food?
Photo Courtesy of ayako via Flickr
• One of the major transition points for a cohabitating couple is the food. Who is the primary cook in the relationship? Does the burden have to fall on one partner? Is eating out often an option or fiscally feasible? What are your partner’s dietary restrictions? All of these questions are essential to discuss with your significant other to avoid either partner getting “hangry.”
• “Hangry” is defined as a state of anger caused by a lack of food. It can result in snarky comments and name-calling, but is easily remedied by take-out and/or a grocery store run.
• You and your partner many love some of the same things, but your taste buds and appetite can still vary significantly. Your husband might be a gluten-free for health reasons, but you may eat rotis three times a day.
• The key here is to communicate and strike a balance. If you’re both okay ordering out on certain days or opting for cereal for dinner, things are going to work out just fine! And if one person doesn’t cook (cough cough my husband), he or she can always offer to clear the dishes.
Hope these tips help those of you planning on moving in with your partners! Remember, there will be tons of awkward moments in the transition, but they only help make you closer. Good luck and sound off below if there’s anything I missed 🙂
