Has it really been a year? My husband and I looked at the calendar in disbelief. It feels like the wedding hoopla and craziness was just last week!
Photo courtesy Naureen & Ghazaly’s Wedding Reception & Walima
With my 365+ days of extensive experience and wisdom, I’d like to let you all in on the secrets to a happy marriage… Wait, that’s major pressure, first I’d like to defer to the real love expert, Shah Rukh Khan, aka Raj Malholtra.
I know it’s cheesy, but I like to think that Shah Rukh Khan really nails the meaning of love and marriage in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. He tells the eccentric Ms. Briganza that “pyaar dosti hain,” which means that “love is friendship.” He goes on to say, “If she can’t be my best friend, I can’t be in love with her. Without friendship, there is no love. Simple. Love is friendship.”
This, my friends, is the ultimate key to marriage. Your partner is your best friend. His or her happiness is dependent on your own and vice versa. After a year of marriage, I learned a great deal about my husband and myself. While I’m by no means an expert, I have compiled a list of ten things I’ve learned over the year that can help us all attain marital bliss *fingers crossed.*
1. Disconnect to connect.
– I know it’s hard to put down the phone, laptop, ipad, etc, but do it! Instead of Facebook stalking your husband, talk to him in person.
– Keep technology out of the bedroom! One of things my husband and I have implemented is restricting all technology (mobile phones & laptops) to outside the bedroom. It gives us the ability to disconnect from the outside world and focus on each other.
2. It’s the little things. You don’t need to constantly impress each other with grand gestures.
– Yes, we’d all like the swooping romantic gestures a la Mr. Darcy. But really, bigger efforts don’t necessarily equate bigger rewards. I go gaga when my husband does the dishes and folds the laundry!
– Be considerate. Saving the last cupcake in the box for your significant other, even though you really, really want it, is LOVE.
3. Honesty is the best policy. Establish a strong sense of trust between each other through consistent actions and open dialogue.
– If and when something bothers you, say it. For example, I tell my husband when his cooking attempts are not quite successful. I am mindful of his feelings and we agree to Thai for takeout (#winning).
4. Be there for each other.
– It’s improbable that both of you love all of the same things. It is thus important to value and respect your partner’s different likes and hobbies.
– Be supportive and root for each other. If he is an avid rock climber, then attempt the activity or at least make time to watch your partner in his competitions.
– You’re on the same team. It’s not him pitted against you. A success for one of you is a success for both of you.
5. Accept change. Marriage changes you.
– Yes your partner married you for you, but situations help mold you both into better versions of each other.
– Cue Fabolous’s “Make Me Better.” As the great Ne-Yo says, “I’m a movement by myself. But I’m a force when we’re together.”
6. Understand your spouse’s needs and wants.
– Just because you’re married does not mean you know what your spouse wants. If he wants mac and cheese, he doesn’t want the healthy, steamed fish and vegetables you prepared.
– Give each other space. There will be disagreements over differing opinions. A little space and time to cool off is just what you both need to reassess and avoid bickering.
7. Keep wooing each other!
– Have at least one date night every week where you dress up for each other and eat out or order take-out. It’s important to relive those special pre-marriage moments and keep the fire burning.
8. Life is better when you’re laughing. Laugh it off.
Picture Courtesy Suhaav’s Real Bride Series
– Don’t let big arguments escalate further. If the tiff is minor and about your OCD tendencies, take it in and laugh it off. Ask yourself if this disagreement is worth blowing up or not.
9. Don’t hold grudges. Shake it off.
– Holding onto the hurt or embarrassment of a past offense is not conducive to a healthy relationship. If you never get over the hurt, the pain can eat you up inside.
– The worst thing to possible do is to drag that incident up in other arguments. Bury it. If he or she apologized and you’re both in a good place, then you need to let it go. How can you move on with laundry if you constantly remind him of how he washed all your white lingerie with his red towels?
10. Build common interests, but maintain your own individual identities.
– Don’t morph into the same person. It’s creepy.
– Sometimes married couples forget about their respective friends. That’s just mean. Hang out with your friends sans partner every now and then. You’re not going to want to stay home alone while your partner is at his weekly poker night with the boys!
Hope these are helpful lovelies! If you have your own marriage tips and advice, please sound off below 🙂