As most of you probably know, I got married three years ago this week. And four months after that, we had this “big fat Indian wedding” in India. You can read about our mehndi ceremony and wedding.
Except for my parents and my extended family, neither myself nor my husband lived in India. To say the least, we were stressed out. And I was pretty much clueless throughout the whole wedding! Perhaps if I had my own blog a year before, I would have figured out what to do. Hehe.
But in any event, I learned a lot. A LOT. And what I learned most is that no one really tells you, as a bride-to-be, what the hell is going to happen before, during, and after your wedding. Here I am to fill in the gap.
Okay, not quite fill the gap as wedding planning is an abyss of things to do, but try at least. If you are a bride-to-be, read this, but please don't stress out anymore than you already are. Dulhans, new brides, did you face similar issues/what was your wedding experience like?
1. You go mad
Really, you'll go mad at one point. Not Bridezilla mad, because that's just scary as shit, but mad like, “I think all rationality has left my brain and I would really like it back please. And make those people stop asking stupid questions.”
There isn't much you can do to avoid the insane stage, but when it strikes, go take a long bath (bolt the door), and put on headphones so you don't have to listen to anyone.
2. You don't always know what is going on during the wedding ceremony
I sure didn't. I knew we would walk around the fire, kick some beetle nuts around, put flower garlands on each other, and pray. But honestly I had no what order it would happen, what was happening in-between these events, and why it was all happening. And then I realized: ignorance is bliss. If you don't know what the heck is happening, enjoy the ride.
3. You feel guilty after the wedding
I thought I was the only one who felt this heavy guilt as a bride who didn't feel like she threw the best wedding possible. Forgetting the things that went wrong, what about the things that went right but it could have been done better? That was the killer. As it turns out, there are many brides who feel this guilt. It's a post wedding guilt summarized by not being the most efficient and glamorous.
It's okay to feel it, but don't let it get you down so much you think you failed your guests. They'll always cherish coming to your wedding.
4. You are so very happy
I don't mean happy in the “oh yay, I married the man of my dreams” happy, because that's a given (and if you don't feel that, then we have a whole another issue to discuss). I'm talking about happy because the wedding is over! OVER! Finito!
No more late night playing Russian roulette with the guest seating chart. No more late night crying over your cousin or sister or bridesmaid being a difficult sort. No more worrying if it will rain or not. No more, no more!
5. You realize if you can plan, execute, and survive a multi-day wedding, you can do just about anything
Have you ever noticed that when you cross this part of your life, you feel like you really accomplished something in a careerwise way? Like, all of sudden, you successfully threw a five day wedding for 400 people, and all was a smashing hit. It's a shame that the corporate world doesn't value that experience as project management (just like they undervalue mothers), because managing a South Asian wedding is project management.
High five yourself for herding all those cats and pulling it off!
6. No matter what you do, time flies
This is something I've heard from just about every bride, time flies by. No matter how much you enjoy and take in every moment of the wedding week, time just flies. It's like the space-time continuum broke and you're stuck moving ever faster and faster until the moment you get married.
Enjoy what you can, take lots of photos (not you, the photographer!), and love everyone.
7. The honeymoon is your getaway vehicle
Even if it is just for one night, get away. Get AWAY! The whole point of the honeymoon is not you can hump like bunnies, it's for you to sleep! And order room service! And drink cocktails! And chill out or hike or explore. Basically everything un-wedding like, do it now. It's finally time for you and partner to have some time together and relax.
8. There's no place like home
When it's all done and over with, perhaps the best thing to happen is going home. Whether you going home to your “old” place, because you and hubby lived together before (oh mon dieu!), or you are going to a new home, there is nothing more satisfying and exciting than kicking off those 5in heels, wearing no makeup, and bumming in your pjs.
9. You wish it could last forever
Probably the most memorable part of my wedding was having friends from all over the world and all different time periods, meeting each other. And meeting my parents (some after 15 years!). And meeting my family. It was such an amazing experience to see my friends meet each other, many for the first time, and come together for a wonderful week. We had ice breakers and beer & tandoori nights to bring everyone together. It was so much fun seeing my cousins and extended family, who all live in India, finally meet my friends.
Whatever happens, your wedding experience is yours alone to cherish, love, hate, laugh, cry about. All of us who get married feel all sorts of emotion, and you know what, it is okay. Well, please don't destroy relationships over your wedding.
Enjoy your wedding day and festivities. It doesn't come around often that you get to be the center of attention.