Muslim weddings are as diverse as they come, but we’ve tried to narrow down the top 10 offenses applicable to most South Asian Muslim weddings. Keep this list of grievances handy for pre-Nikkah, Nikkah, and Walima events and impress your Muslim friends with your “halal-ness,” insha Allah. For more info on Muslim weddings, check out our list of “16 Things to Expect at a Muslim Wedding.”
{Photo Courtesy This Modern Love Photography via Naureen & Ghazaly’s Wedding}
*First lesson, halal means permissible or kosher to use or consume by Islamic laws. Second, insha Allah means God willing. Third, fourth, and more lessons follow below.
1. DO NOT Expect or bring any type of alcohol to the wedding.
Muslim weddings are dry affairs- no blaming your behavior on the a-a-a-a-a alcohol here, folks.
No Benedict Cumberbatch, you go away!
2. DO NOT Be at the event on time. Hint: the time on the wedding invitation is a blatant lie.
3. DO NOT Expect a short speech from family or friends. If you’re giving a speech, for the love of biryani, make it short!
THE SPEECHES- THEY NEVER END.
4. DO NOT Attend the reception on a full stomach.
Don’t miss out on an all-you-can meat buffet!
5. DO NOT Ask for bacon.
Many South Asian weddings are actually vegetarian!
6. DO NOT Dress too skanky!
Preeti’s article on what to expect at an Indian wedding about your boobage is important. Really important.
7. DO NOT Engage in PDA (Public Displays of Affection).
The newlyweds will most likely not share a public first kiss. That should set the tone for you keeping it in your own pants.
8. DO NOT Appear single/available.
Fake wedding/engagement rings are encouraged to avoid matchmaking aunties.
9. DO NOT Break any existing barriers at a gender-split event.
Guys creeping on the women’s section are a no-no. Don’t be jelly that the girls are getting down without you!
10. DO NOT LOL during the *rukhsathi
This is the ceremony when the bride leaves with the groom from the reception. It’s a really emotional, sometimes awkward goodbye.
She’s only going upstairs to their hotel suite, but for her family, she’s leaving them forever (until she comes back from the honeymoon).
Did we miss any? Sound off below on your top never ever’s in the comment section!