The beginning ebullition that comes when he/she puts that ring on your finger, with Beyonce singing in your ear and fireworks shooting up in front of your eyes, is intoxicating. But don’t be seduced!
Now that the easy part is over (you know, the whole finding your companion for life yadda yadda), you have to roll up your sleeves and plan a wedding. I’m going to tell you bluntly: it’s going to be hard. And since I work best with to do lists, I’m going to assume everybody does:
1) Call your parents/humans you consider close.
Let them know you’ve said yes and aren’t planning on eloping. You’re going to need all the help you can get planning everything so let your mom get all the hysteria out of her system as quickly as possible.
2) Start dreaming.
Chances are you’ve thought at least a little bit about what your dream wedding will look like. As soon as you get a moment, grab a notepad and pen and start writing down every single idea you’ve had about what you’d want for your big day. Write down favorite colors, dress shapes, flowers, themes, locations, etc.
Whatever comes to mind, write it down. When you’re knee-deep in brochures and choices, looking back over your initial, unrestrained brainstorm might help you pick through the mess to uncover what you wanted in the first place.
3) Pick your venue.
Possibly the only thing more important than your dress is where you’re getting married. You need to find a place that fits the personality of your wedding – do you want something outdoors? indoors? well-lit? natural light? in the day? in the evening? There’s a lot to sift through. But these are the main questions:
- What traditions will you incorporate? Hindu weddings need a havan, so you’ll have to find a venue that accommodates this. Some hotels will but often it’s best to do outside.
- Do you want multiple venues? With all the events – the Sangeet, the Baraat, the ceremony, the reception – you might not be able to fit everything in one place. Consider visiting a variety of places – hotels, halls, parks, wineries, etc. so you have something that feels comfortable for every event.
- How far away should it be? If you’re planning a wedding in your hometown so more people can come, you may be limited on your options. The next city over might not yield any more options while a two hour drive might be too long for families coming with small children. If it’s a destination wedding, don’t worry about this, but if your wedding is local, you’ll have to find the happy medium that fits you.
- Do you want the venue to cater? Some venues cater, others don’t. If you have your heart set on a lovely lakeside clearing, chances are you’ll have to rustle up your own food. This means extra legwork for you.
- When do you want your wedding to take place? Setting the date can be tricky, but if you’re putting down a deposit on your dream locale, you’re going to need to know exactly when you’ll be getting married. Chances are, you’ll have to move your date to accommodate your venue, or vice-versa.
{Photo courtesy of Lin & Jirsa, via Amita & Amit’s Wedding}
4) Prioritize.
You have a whole lot of decisions to make before your wedding rolls around and you’ll need to solidify everything ideally a few months in advance of the big day. To do this, you’ll need to make a list of all the things you need in order of how bad you need it.
Despite what rom coms tell us, weddings are not all about the bride and her dress – you need to pick out flowers, the cake, chair covers, transport, the honeymoon destination, gifts for the in-laws, bridesmaids, etc. Your dress may pop up as #1 on your list or #18, it’s just important to determine how vital it is to you.
I promise, as soon as you prioritize everything your wedding will start to fall into place. Also, don’t feel you need to include everything right away – you’ll probably forget about a lot of the items you’ll need until you talk to a vendor or wake up in a sweat at 4 AM. Just create the skeleton and give yourself time to flesh it out.
5) Roll up your sleeves and keep your weekends free.
Finding the right cake or stationery takes time, so you’ll need to set aside time for both you and your intended to drive around the state sampling fillings and picking out invitations. It’s important to talk about all the decisions together – many people are hands off but want to be included in the fun bits while others want to be involved in everything.
Pull out a calendar and start marking all the days you have free together. It helps to also designate certain items on your to do list for certain days, just so you have a clear picture in your mind. If there’s a wedding expo coming up, consider buying tickets for you and your friends. It’ll be a fun day out sampling candy, gasping over dresses, and posing for photo booth pictures. In everything you do, give yourself time to find things – Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was the perfect mandap.
{Photo courtesy of Sonya Lalla Photography, via Ailah & Sami’s Wedding}
6) Look over our Big Fat Redbook and our Featured South Asian Weddings.
We’ve hand-picked a variety of vendors from all over the country for our Red Book. It may be a good place to start since we feature a lot of our members’ wonderful work on our website. See if anything appeals to you or use it as a jumping-off point.
Our Featured Weddings are all completely beautiful and unique. They may give you some ideas on how you want your own wedding to look (or how you absolutely want it not to look). There’s such a variety among these weddings in culture, personality, location, etc. that you may just find something perfect you’ve never thought of before. If you want a destination wedding, a Muslim wedding, a fusion wedding, or a dreamy wedding (among so many others!) we have you covered.
7) Start.
Sometimes the hardest thing is starting all the planning. Even if it’s exciting, chances are it’ll feel overwhelming pretty soon. You know your limitations and you’ll probably get more than a bit frustrated at times, that’s normal.
The trick it to space things out and get through them, one at a time. Don’t let yourself get stuck early in the process, just breath through it and keep going. Slow and steady and you’ll make it to your wedding day, all your hair intact.
{Photo courtesy of Creatrix Photography, via Suchitra & Victor’s Wedding}
Planning a wedding is hard, anyone who tells you different is trying to sell you something (literally). It’s going to be difficult, complicated, frustrating, and exhilarating in turn. Take your time, make lists, follow our advice, and you’ll get through it all no problem. Good luck and happy planning, readers!